Invisibility

So, I have come to the conclusion that I am a socially awkward invisible person..It seems that no matter what I do, I will never have that social ability most find easy to come by. I am never going  to have that close friend who actually wants me around, or be able to meet people that actually want to talk to me, not just when I happen to be around, but because they want to, or a friend that will seem to find someone better around. I don't know if this is due to my shyness, or my personality. Much as I try, I believe it's impossible for me to have any sort of normal friendship with anyone, maybe because of my past, maybe because most of my self esteem and emotions have been destroyed from years of abuse. Whatever the cause, whatever the reason, I have figured out to put back up my walls, withdraw back into my shell..I will keep anything bothering me bottled up as usual and those that wish to talk to me, will need to let me know they actually want to. I don't understand what is so wrong with me that people have no wish to truly be around me, but I just am to tired of trying and struggling. It's time once again to just give up and not try so hard to fit in, accept i will always be on the outside looking in, and that there is no place I fit in.